He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
cat food counts as protein by the way
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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