Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
