so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
