I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
