Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
