grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
