She's JV to your varsity
wanna go halves on a baby?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
