If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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