omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
