her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
