just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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