im holly from the hills drunk
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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