she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
