Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
