can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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