just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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