He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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