we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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