I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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