Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
