My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
