i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
