I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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