my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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