this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
