I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
