I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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