Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
