Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
