I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
