once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
