Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
