I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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