But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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