Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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