seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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