Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
