Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
