i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
