i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
