It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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