I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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