ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
