We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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