Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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