i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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