Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
