i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
