i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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