you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
