our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
