k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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