i just google imaged poop.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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