this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
