I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am available for nakedness
COCAINE IS GR8
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
