I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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