you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I need to align my fucking chakras
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
