you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
