dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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