I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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