he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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