I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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