meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
