We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
