I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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